Friday, March 16, 2007

Trip to dream


My dream last night, was different. Perhaps a redo of Nananaland. Who knows. I was in a circus it seemed. Or fair or somesort. I am not sure, but I think I was there with a class of some sort. Although I do not remember anyone specifically from the class, there were people with me nonetheless. We walked into a tent, we were waiting for something. Like a line in an amusement park. Waiting and waiting. I saw some cotton candy, or something refrenced it to my attention. Mmm cotton candy seemed good then. The line slowly got shorter. As I stood there. In the dark, it got darker. There was little light to begin with. Bars surrounding me, keeping me in order. The line in order; the people in order. I looked over the edge, but could not tell if it was a hole or just the darkness. No knowledge if it was safe or not. But the bars seemed to give me the undesired protection anyways. I arrived at the entrance to the next room. I got into a cart. It was a rollercoaster type cart. I got inside, and felt it move. It moved forward and backwards. So fast, or slow. It was dark, I could not tell. The wind told me, though it was not a reliable source as to the speed I was at. I should also add I was screaming constantly. Screaming. I would never scream in 'real life'. Perhaps in my head, but not out loud. The cart was off track and took me to a place I would never expect. A business lounge. I got out and there were shoes hanging from it. I puked and continued screaming. There was not even anything to scream at, nor even an odd thing around. But my screaming continued and I awoke with a ringing in my ears. I can understand it to a certain degree. Then it just stops making sense in my eyes.

Conpuzzle Insition

Well I've returned from Davis'. It was there Tinu came to. We had a jolly time and played the games of Super Nintendo. This song, is wholesome. He has been puzzling me. When he needs me. Someone needs me. Needed me. Does this mean now? Or before? He wishes there was a person like me before now when he needed them most? I think this is the first time someone has told me they actually need me. Wait. Sophie, once. When I was in a drunken rage. It was then. No more. Sophie. I don't. Ugh. Breathe. Wish it all away. My hands are skeletons, with meat from the animals on them. No more. Flesh and bone, nothing else. Wish away. Lizard green. At peace here. Wishful thinking. Thinking wishfully. Wished away. He is the lizard king? We're all kings, lizard kings. I am a scorpion. Everything I am, reflects their atitude. I am a scorpion. Scorpio. Rather kill myself, than be killed by another. Is it just in my nature? To kill things while their good in fear of what could be? Maybe. I think so. It's not even a chore. I just do it. Perhaps this is why I've decided to move on from Eric. I feel nothing there, frankly because he's never said he's needed me. I want to feel needed. I don't. It's not a good feeling. Of just.. being. Objects hardly used must feel terrible. They're not needed, they're just there. To make someone feel good when they want. I'm an object. Not anymore. I am a wild... thing.
I cannot be tamed of my nature, I am what I am, because that's how I was made.