Paxil Day 6 3/4

Here I am. Again. Sleeping is pointless. I only say that because it never comes when I want it to. It seems that I'm sensitive. (Ok yes, rambling mode) I don't doubt that I'm being impacted by hormones and all that teenage shit. Everyone does. It doesn't effect others as much as some. I do agree, I have problems with depression and anxiety. And I can infact say, my hormones are intensifying everything. I'm not fucking retarded. I know everything, people should know that by now.*a joke,haha* I'm not a stupid kid who doesn't know what's happening. I just can't understand. And especially now, it makes it so much harder. I'm 'finding ' myself. And all that shit. I'm trying to 'understand' myself. Everyone does. It takes time for some people. Other people don't pay much attention and it just comes naturally. They can cope with things better than some. Some don't eat, sleep. A lot just party. I can piece it together. I think. You see, the brain matures, and it's around now to 20 years until the brain is 'fully matured'.Statistically. And inorder for a child's brain to mature, they have to face their barriers. People do drugs, and drink. These phases pass. Some kids take it out on themselves. Depression isn't new. More people are just following that path. Especially kids because the world is growing so fuckedly** that it's impacting the 'future', aka. kids, more. People do stupid things, and it's part of growing up. Learning. Experiencing. Finding out what's good and bad. It helps you grow as a person. What happens when you go through adolescence knowing this? I have a concious. I can tell what's good and bad. A lot of choices are rough. There's so many things I don't want to face right now. I don't want to face the fact that a lot of my friends are people I never wanted in my life. A lot of people I couldn't accept, not because they're different, but because that's not who I want impacting me. I don't want to have to look gorgeous all the time, or think that wearing something special will make me a different person. It's true, looks affect you. But sometimes the wrong way. And sometimes the right way. EI: If you're feeling shitty and dress up giving confidence on a certain day. Some people only care about that. I for one, do not. Looks can go to hell, because when I talk to someone, I don't look at them, I look in them. And find what I want to see. Some people are fucking ugly inside, and that's ok because that's who they are. I accept it, but I'm not going to tolerate it. I'm not going to base my life around people who are fucking discusting inside.

I know where I'm at most of the time, I just feel like I'm alone on it. Insanely alone.


PS: FUCK YOU, ADS BY GOOGLE, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVIDE ANSWERS FOR ME? YOU CAN"T JUST CURE EVERYTHING THROUGH THE INTERNET, GROW UP.